Okay so before I start I just want to say that in no shape
or form am I seeking for attention or sympathy. I am simply sharing my mental
health story.
So as a child, home life was somewhat hard.
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Living in my house was a nightmare, a downward spiral. Things only ever seemed to get worse. My dad AND my brother had undiagnosed bipolar and if you know a lot about this condition already, you’ll maybe see how hard it was for me growing up. I was scared of my dad, no… terrified. I couldn’t face him to ask questions and I barely even spoke to him because of this so would always go straight to my mum.
In my primary and secondary education I got ever so slightly bullied. Name calling, people hiding my things, taking things off of me and not giving them back. This all affected me massively. People saw me as weak and an easy target because it wouldn’t take much for me to break down and cry or even to storm off with anger. People used to laugh at me crying and I just used to want to run away. Whenever, I cried at home I’d get laughed at too so I felt like I never had an escape.
A LOT has happened in my life but luckily, my family are all okay now or are getting better, as am I. Especially things with my dad, I can talk to him now, laugh and just have that father-daughter relationship I never really had before.
Mental health is
MASSIVE and should never be brushed under the carpet because it not only
effects the individual who suffers but also everyone around you.
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To this day, I’m still not quite sure whether my mental
health state came from the happenings of my childhood or it was always just
there – or of course, a bit of both. I
could never go a single place on my own, always had to be with someone or else I’d
feel like something awful would happen to me. I felt I was at more risk of
having panic attacks when on my own. But I remember the nights of me crying,
crying until I gave myself a migraine, crying until my eyes were so swollen I couldn’t
see, screaming so much out of anger that anyone would think I was being
attacked, skiving off of school because I didn’t want to be around anyone. I
just hated everything. My attendance at school was bad; 60-70% was my lowest.
At the time, I had no idea there was anything wrong with me, but now I realise.
Countless times I’ve wanted to take my own life, asking
myself if there’s any point in me being here still, wondering if anyone would
miss me. Of course they would, my family love me and I love them too – why would
NO ONE miss me.
Even though I’m on medication now, it doesn’t make everything magically disappear which I know it’s not meant to. It has helped me realise things about myself I never saw before. I’m stronger and braver than I thought and loved way more than I thought I could ever be loved.
Even though I’m on medication now, it doesn’t make everything magically disappear which I know it’s not meant to. It has helped me realise things about myself I never saw before. I’m stronger and braver than I thought and loved way more than I thought I could ever be loved.
There is so much more that has been left unsaid but I could be here forever writing about my life. If you do want to know more about my experiences or even talk to me for some support just email me or send me a message on any of my social medias. I'd love to talk.
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So, never for a second, doubt your abilities. You are so much better
than you think. No matter how big or small, I am sure you’ve achieved something
great in your life so far. That’s evidence you’re more than worth it. You can really do some great things with your life, you really can. You can do anything no matter your struggle. Use your struggle to do the things to make your life a happier and brighter place. Tell yourself you won't be that sad person who doesn't do anything, tell yourself you will be that happy person that spreads joy everywhere.
